Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Let’s face it, with all the pressures of modern-life — the kids, the mortgage, demanding careers and a general lack of time for ourselves, marriage and relationships can be challenging to maintain. I help you find that balance by learning to validate and acknowledge your partner’s needs, while helping you to express your own in a healthy, productive way.
Relationship harmony starts with YOUR own well-being first, check out our stress management section for this.
Because we all know those little jabs at our partner usually start from something nagging at OURSELVES, right? We’ve all gotten a little grouchy after a long day at work, or with the kids, and taken it out unfairly on our partner.
Do any of these arguments sound familiar??? 🤣 🤣 🤣
These common couple problems are SO normal, and just means we have some work to do.
I hope that I will motivate you NOT to give up on your relationship.
It hasn’t been an easy year, obviously. And pressures like this quarantine can weigh heavily on all couples.
Let’s face it, even during normal times juggling work and home, self-care, and couple time can be a challenge.
My goal is to help you take down the walls that are causing a feeling of distance between you and your partner and regain friendship, connection, and yes — romance!
If you are tired of the bickering, the silent nights on the couch, and the feeling of being a stranger to your own partner, call me to schedule your first couples check up appointment at 618-699-8874. We will fix this together!
How Does the Gottman Method Work with Counselor Jessica?
Step One: Pre Appt/Consultation-
A. Check out our prices first by clicking here, Jessica is in the process of only being paneled with BCBS. If you are not in network we can send you a superbill receipt for you to send in to your insurance company. **Please click here to learn more about the fees for couples counseling with Jessica. ** — this here will be a separate section for my fees that i want to connect
B. Not ready? Couples therapy is an investment that will pay for itself for generations to follow, if you’re not ready to make the leap but want to do Jessica’s couples course instead click here to find your problem areas and do our Gottman Informed Couples Course or join the Happy and Connected Couples Facebook page to learn more today here.
C. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org to check for availability and scheduling and to request a consultation document to be sent to you and your partner. In your consultation include, you and your partners full name and DOB, emails and phone numbers. We will send you an electronic consultation form for you and your partner to fill out. Add all concerns/questions/history requested in the consultation and be as forthcoming as possible. Your therapist will be contacting you to follow up and schedule with you if there is availability, answer any questions on pricing, and if assess if you and your partner will benefit from doing Gottman couples work.
Step Two: Conduct session one with your partner and your therapist.
This session goes over the Gottman Oral History, it is 13 questions to gather thorough information about how you and your spouse met (when/where/how), conflicts early on, etc. Both partners must be present for this session, it takes between 1-3 sessions depending on each couple. We discuss all other intake paperwork you have turned in. This session is deigned to be light hearted and couples report it reminds them of how their relationship used to be before: kids, stress, financial strain, family problems, etc. Click here for research on the Oral History and it’s predictors on divorce and or marital satisfaction.
Step Three: You and your partner will do a Gottman Relationship Check-Up Assessment to see where you are now prior to your first session. Your therapist will send you the link after your first appointment and provide you with a Gottman based treatment plan and clinical observations around your strengths strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, we will set goals and talk about the timeline and set a structure for how we will meet them. The fee for the treatment plan and time it takes to create one will be an additional cost and it cannot be billed to insurance. If you are doing a fee program with your therapist this may be included.
What exactly will be in the Gottman Relationship Check-Up?
This assessment is through and will explore your individual feelings and beliefs in the following 5 categories:
- Friendship and Intimacy
- The Safety Scales
- The Conflict Scales
- The Shared Meaning System
- Individual Areas of Concern
Sounds interesting, right? Preview the assessment here and learn more: https://checkup.gottman.com/couples
What do other couples think about getting a Gottman Assessment?:
“The Gottman treatment plan and assessment portion woke up my partner and I and we learned how to STOP spinning our relationship wheels that day and have the relationship of our dreams” -Happy Anonymous Couple! Click here for other testimonials! — can you make “here” this a hyper link to testimonials section?
Step Four: First, the therapist will have an 50-90 minute one-on-one session with the partner who is LESS motivated to do counselor or feels “drug to counseling.” Let’s be honest, there is always one person in every relationship. The therapist wants to connect with you therapeutically and get you motivated and willing to make changes. Second, the therapist will do the same 50-90 minute session with the other partner. These sessions will go over all paperwork you turned in about yourselves individually, we will talk about stress and trauma and if you would benefit from any other services and go over your personal history.
Step Five: You and your partner will have a 10 minute conflict which the therapist takes notes. Your therapist is not judging, only “a fly on the wall” and taking therapeutic notes on what conflict style you and your partner have. Many couples struggle with the Four Horseman, check out this video about that. Click here.
At the end of Step Five: We review the assessment together, gaining insight into each other’s needs and desires. This is the beginning of re-building the bridge of communication, or maybe even building it for the first time! If time is allowed, this session we commitment to a couples treatment game plan for how many sessions you are likely to need, and work together until your relationship feels more grounded, safer, and more nurturing to both of you. Your therapist expects you to offer feedback throughout this process, and if you are motivated and willing to DO THE WORK that is required to upgrade your relationship.
After all, if you iPhone gets 10 upgrades, doesn’t your relationship deserve some too?
Couples that Succeed at Gottman Couples Counseling at Wright Choice Counseling:
- They Do Homework Assigned, They Live and Breathe Change. They understand if they bought a nice care, it shouldn’t sit around and never be maintenance, real love takes work!
- They Read Gottman Books Together to Strengthen Their Marriage: Gottman’s 8 Dates click here.
- They Take Feedback and Apply It Each Time and Practice Between Sessions, THEY DON’T JUST TALK ABOUT THE WORK, THEY DO IT. They’re honest about how “in it to win it” they are. For example, from 0-100% how in it are you to do the work? Don’t talk about what percentage you wish you are, talk about what on day one you are. Typically partners numbers will go up after doing the work if they are honest.
- They Make Time for a Date Night at least Every Other Week and Prioritize Their Relationship
- They Monitor Their BPM and Don’t Let It Exceed 100 BPM and Take Breaks When They Are Flooded, They Buy a Watch That Tracks Their BPM, check out more.
- They Don’t go to Counseling Just to Say They Did Before They Ask for a Divorce, just to say they did.
- Know that no or current affairs are Allowed. If You’ve Cheated Before or Had Secrets Before, They Must All Be Shared Therapeutically to Build and Regain Trust.
- Feel connected with Counseling Jessica. Don’t feel judged. I’ve been there, I’ve came to the other side from my marital pain in my first marriage and changed everything this time with Gottman’s principles for marriage success. Click here to learn more about why Couples Counseling lights me up!
- They understand if they’re helping others at work/children/family/ even volunteering all day, they are probably pouring from an empty cup when they get home and they know that Helpers Love Differently and are willing to work on this fact too! Click here to strengthen your marriage if this is you today!
If work stress is a major factor in your relationship like most couples, check out my Gottman Method Couples Counseling page to learn more about this unique technique developed by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. This method works especially well with “helpers” that feel their energy is pulled in many directions at once, and who have a hard time balancing the pressures of work and home.